Why Banks Suck

Methods of transferring funds between banks:
ACH: Takes two to three bank business days.
Wire transfer: Possibly same-day. Both the sending and receiving bank are likely to charge you an obscene fee.
SneakerWire: Withdraw cash from ATM, walk to teller window. Instantaneous and free if you do it right.

Methods of fraud prevention:
Rational: When suspicious transactions occur, call the customer and ask if they are authorized.
Reality: Just start declining transactions at random. Wait for customer to call from their home phone and deal with your automated phone system.

In theory, credit unions are supposed to be less obnoxious, as all the depositors have an ownership interest. In reality, the only credit union I've ever been a member of will charge you a dollar "Foreign ATM Fee" if you withdraw cash at any ATM outside their extensive network covering both Champaign and Urbana.

Considering what interest rates are like these days, I just wish my mattress was FDIC-insured.